This poem means a lot to me, while it isn't particularly amazing, it has sentimental value. This poem was the first one I ever shared, which in turn, gave me the confidence to start showing others.
Shower
Water beads ricochet off my chest
Forthcoming is my sweet surrender of rest
Washed clean are my sins, the filth and the grime
Repeating mistakes fill the unending void of time
Sorrow and regret amass my day to day
These gentle drops send them away
Will this unsettling repetition ever be broken?
Or will my shower be the only time I'm truly awoken
Forthcoming is my sweet surrender of rest
Washed clean are my sins, the filth and the grime
Repeating mistakes fill the unending void of time
Sorrow and regret amass my day to day
These gentle drops send them away
Will this unsettling repetition ever be broken?
Or will my shower be the only time I'm truly awoken
© 2013 Sean LaSalvia/Poetic Clarity
Sean, found you at Rosemary's blog. I loved this poem.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, never apologize for your work. This stands up to a lot of others I've seen, and the only critic who truly matters is you, because only you know your own heart.
I loved the analogy of the shower and the spiritual washing. It reminded me of the ritual baths of Jews and Muslims, and though I am Christian (a leftie, though!), I am always open to other paths.
Ending with a question was a good device. Made me think about the same thing for my own life.
Good work. Keep 'em coming, and submit to a lot of prompts like Poets United, Imaginary Garden With Real Toads (I think it's "www.withrealtoads.com"), ABC Wednesday. There's a whole list on the right column of my blog, called "Poetic Blogs," way down the column. Check it out, and start writing to them. When you put in the URL, use the ENTIRE URL of your specific poem, not just your Gravatar login... and call yourself whatever you want for the name, even Poetic Clarity, because that's a great, eye-catching name. Peace, Amy
PS If you take the "robot" word ID off your blog, you'll get more takers, too!
Thank you very much for the tips! I'm happy you enjoyed it. I just added another poem called Nerves If you want to check it out. I read and commented on one of your poems it was excellent.
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